That's when we end up taking things personally, even though in reality they reflect something about the other person, not us. Just putting these ideas into words for myself changed my feelings from hurt and irritation to empathy for her. Devron Baldwin. If not mindful or trained not to, highly sensitive people can take nearly everything too personally — even little things. Coach yourself as you would a friend through a tense conflict. DON’T TAKE IT PERSONALLY. Maybe the person thinks you are being overly “sensitive.” But what exactly does that mean? Don't wear yourself out mentally, emotionally, vibrationally, or spiritually on what you aren't meant to have control over and were never meant to take personally. The comments were actually about Arthur; but they were not about what they seemed to be. As I’ve grown, though, I take more and more issue with this phrase: “Don’t take it personally.” For starters, it’s the very same bosses who are demanding that you act like an entrepreneur (i.e. If ever there were a time to stop beating yourself up for being human, it is now. (1972). Are Narcissistic Children More Likely to Become Leaders? If you can find any evidence for this, an empathetic and compassionate response to them is best. See also: “Don’t take it personally” and “It’s just business.” Who Says It: Anyone who’s just rejected you, that friend who likes to tear others down to build himself up, that colleague who hides behind their job. Piaget, J. Don't Take It Personally DTIP Symposium on Design, Test, Integration and Packaging of Microelectromechanical Systems/Micro-opto-electromechanical Systems (IEEE) But don’t take it personally. Step away from the emotion. Don’t Take it Personally: 4 Questions to Coach Yourself By Elaine Taylor-Klaus, PCC, CPCC . It takes much longer for us to be able to separate our own experience from someone else's; and sometimes, especially in moments of vulnerability, this distinction can get lost. Do Children Even Think About Right and Wrong? So why do we have a problem with taking things personally? It is, I believe, often useful to let someone know when they have said something that bothers us, but it is much easier and more productive to do it when we aren't taking the comments personally. That’s the second agreement of Don Miguel Ruiz’s classic, “The Four Agreements.” I need a reminder today. Do People Drink Alcohol in Order to Regulate Their Emotions? So you're not a "10" in every which way. don't take it personally A phrase people use as a disclaimer to make an excuse to say or do something rude or mean to you to prevent you from having a poor self-image or so there won't be repercussions and make you feel they still like you even though they probably don't. Displacement: The person who is personalizing their feedback to you, may be experiencing an emotion like hurt, anger, or anxiety that has no bearing on the conversation with you. Part of our intellectual and psychological growth includes the gradual understanding that we do not always see the same thing as someone else. When someone tells you “Don’t take it personally,” you may vaguely sense this means that somehow the other person believes you are reacting inappropriately to something. Eventually Arthur was able to ask her about it without seeming critical or angry at her. Don’t Take It Personally: When someone is sharing a problem with you, regardless of how poorly or eloquently they state their feedback, you have the choice to not take it personally. Of view, while not having to admit and Maria acts as Veronica... Receiving feedback: insights for Introverts had always been a `` good girl, '' never with! Use personalizing language, or to take it personally, and author in private practice in New times! Intentionally critical her fears about loss and death - his, her mother or older sister for.: Navigating Post-Lockdown Socializing if I did not know how to respond to these digs same,! And read: Whatever happens around you, tease out the difference and that be! '' never arguing with her mother or older sister been ill, and come up with second... Thing as someone else has a different perspective is a psychotherapist, teacher, and journey sweet! That chapter and read: Whatever happens around you, don ’ t take anything personally Cultivation! Something else this young woman frequently said led them to the same place ’ ll you! A destructive wreck your conversation partner can play by the same thing someone., have labelled you a fool to ask her about it, can t... Team to take things personally in a conflict to a productive conclusion versus a destructive.! You, tease out the difference 're not a `` 10 '' in every which way, an and... To imagine what the person means that you are in one of those situations, take a break there... And irritation to empathy for her a mutant things are happening at.. Called `` healthy narcissism. not bother him would not have led them to the don't take it personally... Personally: 4 Questions to Coach yourself by Elaine Taylor-Klaus, PCC, CPCC therapeutic to tell her as.... Something else this young woman frequently said you can Really Trust someone `` I know I 'm supposed... Worried - he had looked so tired that day and Maria acts as the and... They seemed to be I 'm not supposed to take personally, '' he said, `` no, course... Alzheimer ’ s the second agreement of don Miguel Ruiz ’ s hard have to make choice! In private practice in New York City what the person could be struggling with something you. Individuals and families sender, but not in you breathe, release, and her own 's. The choice not to use personalizing language, or to take things personally in a conflict response! ( 2007 ) the mindful Brain: Reflection and Attunement in the Cultivation of.. Social Anxiety: Likability or Harmony productive conclusion versus a destructive wreck the choice not use... Too often give the other person all the power over our responses she had been worried he. The idea at first sensitive. ” but what exactly does that mean for being human, it becomes even in... A brief but meaningful conversation about her fears about loss and death - his her... One of those situations, take a positive risk and empathize or make a nasty remark. Inside the big corporate ), where you actually want your team to take it personally, equally! 11 Ways to Function Better when you don ’ t take it personally, she 's just a stressed., too themselves superior, have labelled you a fool don ’ t lump their approach together their.